This past year since I graduated college has been the most emotional roller-coaster ride of my lifetime thus far. I experienced so much self-doubt, self-sabotage, feelings of worthlessness and self-pity, questioning everything in my life from the ground up. Only recently, I felt like I hit rock bottom. I felt like I had nothing to offer to anybody, I felt like a shell, a ghost in a body just riding out each day trying to find some sort of form in the seemingly formless. Soul-searching was a daily effort, and nothing seemed to be working. I just didn’t know what the hell I wanted to do with my time. I over-thought everything, every situation, every minute I spent doing or not doing. I tried to create a master plan for my life, I tried to create meaning in my days- but ultimately I was forcing all of this.
It wasn’t until I had a complete and utter breakdown one night, and I felt so low, and realized that I had compromised so much of my own happiness and my ability to truly enjoy this period of my life, that the next morning I forced a shift in my attitude. I decided that I would no longer put so much pressure on myself to be perfect. I decided I would put faith in time, consistency, and hard work. I decided to wake up every morning with love in my heart for myself. I have always been good at loving others, but it has taken me a long time to love myself. I decided that I will not let myself waste these beautiful years of my life in depressive patterns of self-pity and inconsolable expectations.
I am in a good place right now. And I want to let anyone know who reads this, anyone that feels that they are in a pit right now, I want to tell you with complete faith that it always gets better. Keep trying.